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mr t returns9 viewspitting foos once again
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Yogi Bear Captured11 viewsAfter nearly 40 years of filtching picnic baskets, Yogi Bear surrendered to Federal Park Service officials near Missoula, Montana on Friday. When asked how he managed to avoid capture for so long, Yogi replied that he has always been "smarter than your average bear."
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Mugabe Names Successor14 viewsZimbabwe president Robert Mugabe named Bongo, a 43 year old chimpanzee, as his chosen successor to run the impoversished nation after his death. The 78 year old Mugabe stated that Bongo was well qualified for the presidency having acted as Zimbabwe's minister of finance for the previous 15 years.
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Rockettes Drafted29 viewsNew York city's famed dance line, the Rockettes, were drafted last week by the Chinese Peoples Army and reported for duty in Beijing. In a move seen as a tacit nod to Western culture, Chinese officials explained that since the abandonment of communism, their parades had grown less colorful and rather boring.
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Kermit the Frog Dead at 5122 viewsFamed amphibian Kermit the Frog was attacked and torn to pieces Friday by three mixed breed puppies owned by Sandy Ipavis in City of Industry, California. A spokesperson for the Disney company, owner of the Muppet franchise since 2004, stated that she did not know why Kermit was in City of Industry at the time.
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Mercedes Unveils Concept16 viewsDaimler-Benz vice-president Wolfgang Hoffman appearing at yesterday's conclusion of the Munich auto show unveiled the next generation Mercedes E class aimed at the increasingly price conscious American market. The vehicle is rated 65 mpg highway, 56 city and Mercedes officials claim that it is their most affordable product yet with prices starting at $37,700 for a well equiped base model.
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Alternative Couple Sues State12 viewsMellisa Hixon of Franklinville Tennessee, owner of Beau and Mrs. Jangles (pictured), has filed a lawsuit in an attempt to force the state of Tennessee to recognize her unusual pet's cross species alternative lifestyle and grant them the same rights and benefits that monospecies couples enjoy. Television evagalist Pat Robertson stated on his show The 700 Club, "If the state of Tenessee recognizes such unions, God will get medievel on your hillbilly asses."
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Cartoon Pig Arrested19 viewsBeloved cartoon character Peter Pig was arrested Tuesday by federal agents on charges of child pornography. A representative from the FBI stated that Peter allegedly had photos of piglets on his laptop computer, some as young as six weeks. In addition to the piglet photos, it was rumored that the laptop also contained hundreds of pictures of nude Hampshire and Duroc sows .
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IDOT Makes Error18 viewsThe masked crime fighter known as the "Bat Man" expressed outrage today over the accidental placement of highway signs that directed motorists to the location of his previously secret "Bat Cave". Police Commisioner Gorden stated that his department will initiate an investigation into the matter immediately.
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American Kitten Kidnapped24 viewsAlJazeera released this picture of Noodles, an orange American tabby kitten who was kidnapped in Bagdad and is being held hostage by terrorists loyal to Dr Ayman al-Zawahiri, second in command of al-Qaida forces. The terrorist claim that they will execute the kitten unless American forces immediately release all islamic pets that are being detained on American bases. Representatives from the State department had no immediate comment.
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UFO Mystery Solved22 viewsThe nation's UFO mystery was finally put to rest Thursday afternoon when Nels Gunderson confessed to authorities in Reading, Pennsylvania that he has been flying his home made "saucer" around the country for the past 40 years. "Just raising Hell" were Nels words as he described his nocturnal missions.
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Laundry Strike Continues30 viewsMembers of Local 41 of The Laundry and Dry Cleaners Union voted Wednesday to continue their strike in the greater Toronto area promising to hold out until their demands are unconditionally met. The four week old strike has caused considerable difficulty for thousands of office workers who claim that they have nothing left to wear. It is hoped that both sides of the dispute will reach an agreement before winter.
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Army Lowers Recruiting Standards19 viewsThe U.S. Army, falling short of it's recruiting goal again in 2005 has lowered both it's minimum age and educational requirement in order to attract new recruits. Sgt. Felicity Hutchison from Fort Riley Texas is pictured above operating a scaled down version of a .30 caliber SAW (Squad Automatic Weapon) which has been redesignated .30 cal MFMG (My First Machine Gun).
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